I do not want divorce

Question

As-salamu `Alaykum warahmatullah wabarakatuh (May Allah's Peace, Mercy, and Blessings be upon you!).

I am a Moroccan woman. Two years ago I have come to know a Mauritanian guy in a site for marriage. He proposed to me and I approved because I knew that he was a religious person who fears Allah. He promised to treat me well and make me happy. He told me that his conditions do not allow him to come to Morocco and suggested that I go to him in Malaysia to conclude the marriage contract there.

I agreed and he talked to my father and asked for my hand in marriage. He asked my father to make an authorization to the guy's friend to finish the ceremonies of marriage. In the beginning, my father did not agree but his wife convinced him to sign it.

When my brothers knew of the matter, they disapproved and prevented me from traveling, but unfortunately, I did not listen to them. I ran away and traveled to him without their knowledge and we concluded marriage in Malaysia. After two months of our marriage and after I became pregnant of my one-and-half years old child he told me that he had a business in Africa and he would be away for a month. He asked me to go to Morocco and wait for him until he comes back, so I agreed and traveled to Morocco.

After the month was over, he told me that he had problems in business and he will be late for awhile. Every time he calls, he makes up new excuses but only Allah knows how hard I suffered during that period. I moved from a house to another and kept on hearing insults that violate my honor because people in our neighborhood used to say that I was not married because they have not seen my husband nor they heard about my marriage, but I was away for awhile then they saw me pregnant.

My family hated me because they knew what the people were saying about me and I was hating myself too. When I was calling my husband and I narrate to him what was the people saying about me, he used to say to me: be patient, my love, soon the cloud of the problems shall wane away and you shall be home soon.

Until it was the time of my delivery in Morocco, I suffered a lot while giving birth away from my husband and my family was not welcoming me. The point is: soon after the delivery, I called my husband and asked him to take me back home, then he told me that we shall not continue with each other and he shall divorce me. When I asked him: Why is that? He said to me: We have not understood each other during the two months which we spent together and we had a lot of problems. I begged him to take me back, then he approved and I went back to Malaysia. We stayed with one another for 6 months, during which we had some problems especially, when I was recalling the suffering I have been through in Morocco, but we were always reaching a compromise and nothing serious had happen. After awhile, he said to me that he was going to China for work, so I waited for him in Malaysia because I knew the problems that I was going to face if I went back to Morocco. After 3 months, I felt loneliness and told him that I am going back to Morocco again until he finishes his business in China. He agreed and promised that he will be back to Malaysia before October. I traveled while having a good relationship with him and there were no problems between us.

However, when it is the time for travel, I prepared my things and bought many things for my journey and I bought things which He himself told me to buy and my family knew that I was going to travel. When I called him to book my ticket, he said to me: You cannot come back because I divorced you. By Allah, does this make sense? Does that please Allah, the Lord of all the Worlds (Glory be to Him)? When I asked him: Why is that? He said to me: You are nervous and your behavior is bad. When I heard these words, I became crazy, I booked the ticket, and went to Malaysia while having all hopes to fix things. When I went there, I found him in China and I stayed home alone. I kept on calling and begging him to take me back, for the sake of the child, and I still love him. I want my son to live with his father and under his custodianship, but he denied and said to me: sit temporarily in your house in Malaysia then go back to Morocco. I cannot go back to Morocco because my family will neither accept me nor my child. I cannot face them, I have no mother to solace me or remove burdens from me.

I am weak and poor -there is no might nor power save in Allah- and I have no certificates to work. Whenever I ask him to disgrace Satan and stop stubbornness, he becomes stubborn more and more and says to me: I cannot take you back in marriage because I used to love you but now I no longer love you. By Allah, does the Shari`ah give a man the right to marry a woman when he loves her then divorce her when he does not? Is this permissible, is it justice? I wrote to you this message putting all hopes in you -after Allah (may He be Glorified and Exalted)- to help me because I am in difficult conditions and do not find anyone to resort to, even my family do not know about my divorce because I could not have told them. I spent the Day of `Eid alone without a husband, a family, or friends. I am waiting for your answer patiently, may Allah bless you!

Answer

All praise be to Allah and peace be upon the Messenger of Allah, his family, his Companions, and those who follow them righteously until the Day of Recompense.

I want to ask you a question:Was what you did in the beginning permissible from the viewpoint of Shari`ah so as to end up in a legitimate way?

You forsook your rights and the rights of your family from the very beginning. You started searching the internet for a life partner and these sites are supervised by corrupters who manipulate with people's emotions and feelings and drag them to sin. People of knowledge have always warned the people against such sites because people who have no manners will exploit them and take advantage of their conditions in providing false information about themselves.

Then, you escaped your family and brothers, traveled alone without a Mahram (unmarriageable male relative), and to a guy whom you do not know anything about. All these deniable acts are rejected by Shari`ah, and what happened between you two was not the heavy bond which Allah (Glory be to Him) called, as it was not the bond which the Messenger (peace be upon him) described: "So, fear Allah regarding women, for you have married them by the permission of Allah and their bodies became lawful for you by the words of Allah."[Reported by Muslim].

It was just a whim that did not cost him much and when he took what he needed, he escaped away like Satan.

My words to you are not a try to cry for the spilled milk and it is not part of self-punishment, but I am trying to wake you up with the truth in order to see reality as it is. It was not the stubborn of your husband that delivered you to such desperate condition but you helped him by giving up yourself to him to make fool of you.

The effective cure is to forget the whole matter, close that painful page, and start over with your family in Morocco. Begin the new life with sincere repentance to Allah, seek the forgiveness of your family, and admit your mistake and you shall see them standing by your side. Even if they do not forgive you at once, days will cure the whole thing and Allah will bestow His Mercy upon you as long as you are sincere and shall change your condition to a better one.