Should I maintain a good relationship with my sister although she cuts that relation?

Question

As-salamu `Alaykum warahmatullah wabarakatuh (May Allah's Peace, Mercy, and Blessings be upon you!).

I have a good relationship with my sister and I would like to draw nearer to her, but when I interfered between her and her husband for reconciliation and advice, her husband accused me that I want to ruin their marital relationship and destroy their family. Moreover, he attributed lies against me although I have not interfered but for reconciliation.

The matter has gone too far when he distorted my image before my family and cut the relationship between me and my sister, so she no longer speaks to me or even calls me.

How should I behave with my sister? Should I establish a good relationship with her despite her husband's talks about me?

Answer

All praise be to Allah and peace be upon His Messenger, his family, his Companions, and those who follow him.

Let it be known, may Allah protect you, that maintaining the ties of kinship is one of the obligatory duties and cutting the ties of kinship is one of the major sins whose doer is threatened by cursing and expelling from the mercy of Allah, and the proofs to that are more than to be limited. Of which is Allah's saying: "And fear Allâh through Whom you demand (your mutual rights), and (do not cut the relations of) the wombs (kinship)." [Surat An-Nisa': 1].

And Allah's Saying: "Would you then, if you were given the authority, do mischief in the land, and sever your ties of kinship? * Such are they whom Allâh has cursed, so that He has made them deaf and blinded their sight." [Surat Muhammad: 22 - 23].

So, you should be aware of cutting the ties of kinship, particularly, if they are close relatives such as brethren.

Regardless the cruelty of your sister's husband, his bad qualities which you have mentioned, and his negligence in the duties of Allah, you should not overlook the right of your sister in maintaining the ties of kinship. Likewise, the negligence of your sister and other relatives to you does not justify cutting their ties because the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: "Al Wasil is not the one who recompenses the good done to him by his relatives, but Al Wasil is the one who keeps good relations with those relatives who had severed the bond of kinship with him." [Reported by Al Bukhari]. Al Hafizh said in Fathul-Bary: The meaning is the person who gives while being withheld.

Seek the reward from Allah when you maintain the ties of kinship with those who cut their relationship with you or when you give those who do not give you. Be sure that Allah is your helper and aid, and He gives you more reward when you maintain the relationship with someone cuts the relationship with you. It was reported in Sahih Muslim on the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) that a man said: "O Messenger Allah, I have relatives with whom I try to keep the ties of relationship but they sever relations with me; and whom I treat kindly but they treat me badly, I am gentle with them but they are rough to me. He (peace be upon him) replied: If you are as you say: it is as if you are feeding them hot ashes, and you shall have a supporter from Allah against them as long as you continue to do so."

It was reported in Musnad Imam Ahmad with a good chain of transmission that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said to `Uqbah: "O `Uqbah, establish the relationship with those who cut it, give those who prevent you, and turn away from those who oppress you."

Maintaining the ties of kinship does not indicate any humiliation but those who do it for the sake of Allah shall have the reward and their degrees are lifted in the sight of Allah and in the sight of people.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "Whoever desires an expansion in his sustenance and age, should keep good relations with his kith and kin." [Reported by Al Bukhari and Muslim].

Beware that the harshness of your sister's husband would keep you away from your sister or cut the relationship with her because there is no sin which its punishment is given in the world more than cutting the ties of kinship as was authentically reported from the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him).

As for the optimum way to deal with that person is to keep on pushing the harm with goodness and maintaining the ties of kinship instead of cutting it, perhaps Allah would expand his chest to the truth and turn him back to his senses. Allah (may He be Exalted) says: "The good deed and the evil deed cannot be equal. Repel (the evil) with one which is better (i.e. Allâh orders the faithful believers to be patient at the time of anger, and to excuse those who treat them badly) then verily he, between whom and you there was enmity, (will become) as though he was a close friend. *But none is granted it (the above quality) except those who are patient - and none is granted it except the owner of the great portion (of happiness in the Hereafter i.e. Paradise and of a high moral character) in this world." [Surat Fussilat: 34 - 35].

Of the greatest reasons that bring about mercy are: Kind relationship, observing patience on the harm, encountering bad deed with good deeds, and abstaining from peoples' properties.

You should advise your sister and explain to her with wisdom and kindness her mistake and the mistake of her husband. You may use a booklet, a tape, or one of the people of knowledge and piety such as an imam, one of the callers, a relative, or someone who has a power to help you reconcile the relationship.