My husband is untruthful to me

Question

I have been married for 6 months, and since we have married, he lies to me.

I discovered that he lied to me more than once. He was indebted to his brother and we took a loan to pay our debts.

When I asked him: Have you paid the debt of your brother? He said to me: Yes; and kept silent. I believed him, but his brother did not enter our house for quite a while. When I asked him about that, he said: He is haughty. After a while, I discovered that he is in disagreement with his brother because of the money, bearing in mind that his brother wiped out his debts and did not want it anymore because he considered it an aid for his brother in marriage, but my husband did not appreciate that and showed ingratitude to him.

Moreover, my husband does not like my family, especially my mother, taking into consideration that she is his aunt who helped him greatly in marriage.

Furthermore, I wish that my husband would offer Salah in the masjid because since our marriage, he offers Salah at home and rarely goes to masjids for Salah. I always advise him but he got angry and commanded me not to speak in this topic again because he knows the rights of Allah. He also commands me to watch movie channels while I do not want to, but he is very nervous.

Let it be known that my husband was poisoned and his family did not ask about him because they deny him; is this a psychological case? Could you guide me to the correct way to deal with him?

Answer

All praise be to Allahand peace be upon the Messenger of Allah, his family, his Companions, and those who follow him.

In the beginning these are undoubtedly mistakes committed by your husband, but you have to control yourself and your situations with your husband. You have mentioned that your husband was in jail and his family denied him which requires a special treatment to maintain his psychology.

So,do not face him with the truth so as not to force him to lie or to show stubbornness because he may resort to something harmful.

Moreover, do not embarrass him because a wise woman is the one who pardons her husband's shortages, be keen not to show obstinacy to him, and not to neglect his obedience among other reasons which draw her husband near to her.

A wife should observe patience to the actions of her husband, advise him frequently, and admonition him in a way that is best without scolding in the speech.

Do not frown in his face,but be kind with words and treatment along with being keen to invoke Allah to guide him in the times when supplications are answered. Allah (may He be Exalted) says:"The good deed and the evil deed cannot be equal. Repel (the evil) with one which is better (i.e. Allâh orders the faithful believers to be patient at the time of anger, and to excuse those who treat them badly) then verily he, between whom and you there was enmity, (will become) as though he was a close friend."[Surat Fussilat: 34].

If your husband has bad friends, try to keep him away from them, and it is better to seek help with a good companionship from his family to compensate the bad ones. Moreover, seek the help of Allah to make up intimacy and mercy which you spread at home.

You can make him listen to the sermons or lessons of some preachers or scholars concerning the importance of congregational Salah and its obligation on those who hear the call among able men; and the one who leaves it will be sinful. Whoever performs Salah in his house without an excuse shall miss a great reward and commits a manifest sin because Allah (may He be Glorified and Exalted) says in His Book:"When you (O Messenger Muhammad peace be upon him) are among them, and lead them in As-Salât (the prayer), let one party of them stand up [in Salât (prayer)] with you."[Surat An-Nisa': 102].

So, Allah commanded Muslims to adhere to congregational Salah even in the time of fear (war), so it will be incumbent in other times.Abu Hurayrah(may Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: "The most burdensome Salah for the hypocrites are the night Salah and the morning Salah. If they were to know the blessings they have in store, they would have come to them, even though crawling, and I thought that I should order the prayer to be commenced and command a person to lead people in prayer, and I should then go along with some persons having a fagot of fuel with them to the people who have not attended the prayer (in congregation) and would burn their houses with fire." [Reported byAl BukhariandMuslim].

As long as a person hears the call for Salah, he has to answer the call because the Prophet (peace be upon him) did not give permission to the blind man to offer Salah at home, but said to him:Do you hear the call for Salah? He said: Yes. He said: So, answer the call." [Reported byMuslim].

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "Whoever hears the call for Salah but does not answer shall not gain the reward of Salah except if he has an excuse." [Reported byIbn Majahon the authority ofIbn `Abbas(may Allah be pleased with him)]. It was reported inSahih MuslimthatIbn Mas`ud(may Allah be pleased with him) said: "He who likes to meet Allah tomorrow as Muslim, he should persevere in observing these Salahs, when a call is announced for them, for Allah has laid down for your Prophet the paths of right guidance, and these (Salahs) are among the paths of right guidance. If you were to perform Salah in your houses as this man why stays away (from the masjid) prays in his house, you would abandon the practice of your Prophet, and if you were to abandon the practice of your Prophet, you would go astray. No man purifies himself, doing it well, then makes for one of those mosques without Allah recording a blessing for him for every step he takes raising him a degree for it, and effacing a sin from him for it. I have seen the time when no one stayed away from it, except a hypocrite, who was well known for his hypocrisy, whereas a man would be brought swaying (due to weakness) between two men till he was set up in a row."

No one abandons the congregational Salah except people who have weak faith and want to deprive themselves of an abundant goodness. Let it be known that reward is according to the degree of hardship.

It was reported inSahih Al BukhariandSahih Muslimon the authority ofAbu Hurayrah(may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "The Salah offered in congregation is twenty five times more superior (in reward) to the prayer offered alone in one's house or in a business centre, because if one performs ablution and does it perfectly, and then proceeds to the mosque with the sole intention of praying, then for each step which he takes towards the mosque, Allah upgrades him a degree in reward and (forgives) crosses out one sin till he enters the masjid. When he enters the masjid he is considered in prayer as long as he is waiting for the prayer and the angels keep on asking for Allah's forgiveness for him and they keep on saying: 'O Allah! Be Merciful to him, O Allah! Forgive him, as long as he keeps on sitting at his praying place and does not pass wind."Abu Musa(may Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: "The most eminent among human beings (as a recipi  ent of) reward (is one) who lives farthest away, and who has to walk the farthest distance, and he who waits for the prayer to observe it along with the Imam, his reward is greater than one who prays (alone) and then goes to sleep." [Reported byMuslim].Ubay ibn Ka`b(may Allah be pleased with him) narrated: "There was a man of the Ansar [the Supporters] whose house was the farthest from the masjid. As far as I know, he never missed Salah (in congregation). It was said to him: If you buy a donkey, you may ride upon it in the dark nights and in the hot days. He said: I do not like that my house should be situated close to the masjid. I desire that my walking towards the masjid and returning home be recorded to my credit. Upon this the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: Allah has gathered all (rewards) for you.'' [Reported byMuslim].

Abu Hurayrah(may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: "Shall I suggest to you the things by which Allah obliterates the sins and elevates the ranks (of a man). They (the hearers) said: Yes, Messenger of Allah. He said: Performing the ablution thoroughly in adverse conditions, a great number of steps towards the mosque, and waiting after one prayer for the next Salah. That is the firm hold! That is the firm hold! That is the firm hold." [Reported byMuslim].

Imam Ash-Shawkanysaid in "As-Sayl Al Garrar": The wretched is the one who is deprived of the congregational Salah because its reward equals 27 Salah, however performing Salah individually equals part of 27. If a person is pleased with that in worldly treatments, he would be prevented of disposal in his money because he has reached the peak of stupidity.

You may mention to him these proofs in a simple way and I ask Allah to make him the joy of your eye.