My husband and sexual intercourse!

Question

Peace be upon you! I send to you this question, perhaps Allah would benefit me with your advice and make you a cause for solving my problem.

The problem is: My husband does not ask me for sexual intercourse and I expected that he loves to feel sexy, so I started to flirt him and encourge him to have sex with me.

He began to respond well -once a week- but what amazed me is that he stopped sexual intercourse in my eight pregnancy month out of fear for the baby.

However, after birth and after the end of my afterbirth blood period, he did not think in having sexual intercourse with me.

When I asked him about that, he answered that he did not want to embarrass me and to be ready without pressure taking into consideration that he was natural during the first days of our marriage -once a day or one time each two days- could you kindly help me in understanding this mystry? Thank you!

Answer

All praise be to Allah and peace be upon the Messenger of Allah, upon his family, his Companions, and those who follow him.

You have mentioned that in the beginning of marriage your husband was natural in sexual intercourse, then his desire began to decrease gradually.

However,when you flirt and seduce him, he responds well. It seems that he does not have any sexual problem to keep away from you or something like that, therefore, you should have an open discussion with him about this topic and get the whole picture right.

Sit with him in an open session and explain to him what is going in your mind in a nice style.

Make him feel, by words and actions, that you are his loving wife and one of your rights on him is to fulfill your sexual desire which Allah (may He be Glorified and Exalted) granted you.

Tell him that you want to know the reason of that aversion and explain to him that his keenness not to embarrass you until you be ready for him -as he claims- is the cause of embarrassment because he makes you feel unwanted.

If he mentions the causes of this delay, try to appreciate them and work with him to solve these problems, however if he rejected discussion or you found hardship in having discussion with him, send him a heartfelt message because it is also a good and a useful means -by the will of Allah- in solving some problems.

•Think about the shortest and best ways to access his heart, adorn and apply perfume for him to attract his heart taking into consideration renewal in the daily life style.

•Express your love and appreciation with pretty words, perfumed messages, and different innovated ways such as placing words on the mirror to make him happy, give him a present and write on it sweet words that indicate your love to him.

•Adorn yourself with gentleness, leniency, and smile because these are like magic to the husband.

•Draw near to him with words, behaviors, ...etc, seeking the reward from Allah (may He be Glorified and Exalted).

•Be keen to raise your faith and draw near to Allah (may He be Exalted) because this is a successful means in reforming husbands and children.

•Expand the circle of your concern, such as public work and reading which will take your thoughts away from your husband and may calm down yourself.

•Invoke Allah frequently in the times and conditions of answering the invocations because this is one of the qualities of the Most Gracious worshippers, as Allah (may He be Exalted) says:"And those who say: "Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders of the Muttaqûn (the pious).""[Surat Al Furqan: 74].