Obeying the mother by staying at home

Question

As-salamu `Alaykum warahmatullah wabarakatuh (May Allah's Peace, Mercy, and Blessings be upon you!)

I hope you can guide me to the correct opinion:

Q 1: Is it part of ingratitude that a married man leaves his parent's house to live in a separate house, bearing in mind that there are other brothers to serve his parents?

Q 2: If a man became an imam to one of the masjids and that masjid is 15 km far and the mother asked the man to leave that masjid; should he follow her command and fulfill her request although there is no harm to stay in that masjid?

Q 3: If that Masjid contains an adjacent house and he wants to live there with his wife but the mother wishes that he would stay by her side; will he be ungrateful if he moves out?

I hope that you answer in details, may Allah protect and preserve you.

Answer

All praise be to Allah and peace be upon the Messenger of Allah, upon his family, his Companions, and those who follow him.

Filial obedience is one of the greatest acts of worship and the rights of the parents are of the greatest rights which Allah asserted, and made them in the second rank after His Own Right. Allah says: "And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents." [Surat Al Isra': 23].

He also says: "Worship Allâh and join none with Him (in worship); and do good to parents." [Surat An-Nisa': 36].

Al Qurtuby said: in his Tafsir (2 / 13): As for Allah's Saying: "And that you be dutiful to the parents," it means: We commanded them to be kind to the parents.

Allah (may He be Glorified and Exalted) correlated in this Ayah between the right of the parents with monotheism because the first creation is from Allah and the second [i.e., rearing] is from the parents; therefore Allah (may He be Exalted) correlated between thanking Him and thanking them. Allah says: "give thanks to Me and to your parents." [Surat Luqman: 14].

Being kind to the parents means treating them kindly, humbling oneself before them, compliance to their command, invoking the forgiveness of Allah to them after their death, and maintaining the kind relationships with the people whom they used to have good relations with. Al Qurtuby (may Allah bestow mercy on his soul) said (7 / 132): Showing kindness to the parents means being kind to them, protecting them, compliance to their command, removing slavery from them, and not to control them.

Allah (Glory be to Him) warned of disobeying or harming them even with a single word Allah (may He be Exalted) says: "And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honor." [Surat Al Isra': 23]. Moreover, Allah (Glory be to Him) made their disobedience one of the major sins and one of the reasons for entering Hell-Fire. It was reported in the Hadith that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "Shall I inform you about the most grievous of the major sins?

They said: Sure, O Messenger of Allah. He said: Associating partners with Allah in worship and to be undutiful to one's parents. The Prophet (peace be upon him) then sat up after he had been reclining (on a pillow) and said: And I warn you against forged speech. He said: He kept on saying that warning till we said: We hope he had kept silent." [Reported by Al Bukhari and Muslim].

Ibn `Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: "There are three persons whom Allah will not look at on the Day of Resurrection: The one who is disobedient to his parents, mannish women, and Ad-Dayyuth (One who satisfies immorality in his women)." [Reported by Imam Ahmad, An-Nasa'i, and Ibn Hibban. Al Albany said: This is a good and authentic Hadith, see Sahih Sunan An-Nasa'i]. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "The pleasure of the Lord lies in the pleasure of the parents and the anger of the Lord lies in the anger of the parent." [Reported by At-Tirmidhy and Al Hakim who graded it as authentic, and Adh-Dhahaby agreed to his judgment on the Hadith].

The Prophet (peace be upon him) also said: "The following kinds of people shall not enter Paradise: The one who reminds others of his favors, the one who is disobedient to his parents, and alcohol addicts." [Reported by Imam Ahmad and An-Nasa'i].

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said to the person who wanted to fight in the cause of Allah and march with the Muslim army: "Is your mother alive? He said: Yes. The Prophet said: stay with her, for Paradise is under her feet." [Reported by Ahmad, An-Nasa'i, and Ibn Majah]. Imam Ahmad, At-Tirmidhy, and Ibn Majah reported that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "A parent is the best of the gates of Paradise; so if you wish, keep to the gate, or lose it." It was reported in the Musnad of Abu Ya`la, Sahih Ibn Hibban, and Mu`jam At-Tabarany Al Kabir on the authority of Abu Hurayrah that "the Prophet (peace be upon him) ascended the pulpit and said: Amen, Amen, Amen. It was said to him: O Messenger of Allah, when you ascended the pulpit you said: Amen, Amen, Amen, what is that? He said: Gabriel came to me and said: Whoever attends Ramadan without his sins being forgiven, he shall enter Hell-Fire. May Allah cast him away, say: Amen. So, I said: Amen. May the one whose parents or one of them is alive but he did not treat them kindly then died enter Hell-Fire, say: Amen. So, I said: Amen. May the one who hears your name without sending peace and blessings upon you enter Hell-Fire when he dies. Say: Amen, so I said: Amen."

There are many proofs to the obligatory of being kind to the parents.

As for the man who leaves the house of his parents to live away with his wife, it is not part of ingratitude because it is the right of a wife to have a private apartment, particularly when there will be harm in staying with the mother.

Likewise leading Salah in the mentioned masjid and living there, and it is not the right of the mother to prevent her son from going and living there because the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "For obedience is required only in what is good." [Reported by Al Bukhari and Muslim].

You may exert some effort to convince her nicely and with kindness and tell her about your wish to lead the Salah in that masjid and live there. Moreover, you have to observe patience, approach her, and exert all you can to be kind to her because people love those who show kindness to them. Furthermore, you have to pay frequent visits to her to comfort and assure to her that distant home will not keep you away from her.